#71 The invisible break up. How attachment patterns pull us out of intimacy.

Isn’t it fascinating that as soon as we are genuinely touched in a relationship and our heart begins to open, old, suppressed “treasures” from our unconscious rise to the surface? Real closeness reaches the parts of us that were challenging and overwhelming in our earliest childhood. An encounter that truly opens our heart can act like a catalyst for integration, if we have the courage to turn inwards and are able to stay with whatever arises. There is a lot we can do for ourselves without being in a relationship, regulating our nervous system (expanding our capacity to sit in the discomfort of being triggered for example), understanding our patterns, and so on. But what is ultimately needed is another person. Understanding things on a mental level and then being faced with them in real life are two very different levels of integration. What was “wounded” in relationship also needs to be “healed” in relationship. We need new, nourishing experiences in order to overwrite the old adaptive model that no longer serves us, wich is our attachment pattern. With enough self aware-ness, an understanding of our hidden self sabotaging programs, a heart that keeps opening, and a nervous system that can hold a wider range, we can bring heaven to earth, instead of unconsciously continuing to fight what we deeply long to live.